Precariously Balanced
by Paper Pearls
Summary: They had all made sacrifices for the war, and all forsaken some form of morality. In order to recover his humanity, Remus allowed himself to be selfish and pretend that he didn't have responsibilities. A Remus/Luna one-shot. Warning: adultery!


**This is my response to **_**innocent-vengeance's**_** "Infidelity" challenge and the Hogwarts Online 24****th**** October prompt. It's Remus/Luna - quelle suprise! **

**OoOoO**

It was a war, and during wars, the rules changed – that was how he justified it. What was wrong became right, or so they told themselves, and fighting and killing and the harsh realities of violence shaped their actions. Remus often wondered if it would be possible for them to restrain the monsters that had been unleashed when the war ended. He did everything in his power to keep the wolf buried, despite the fact that all around him people – friends, parents and children – embraced everything that wasn't human. He succeeded in keeping the wolf at bay, but in doing so, he forgot about one thing: the man.

At first Remus hadn't noticed what was happening. He tried to balance his work for the Order and his marriage, which didn't leave many thoughts for the other aspects of his life. His head spun with werewolves, death and guilt for being selfish enough to have married Tonks. She was too young and altogether too deserving of happiness: too human, in short.

When Nymphadora had conceived his child, he had understood why it was termed 'falling pregnant'. It was a brilliant and terrible revelation. Sickness and joy had filled Remus. The carefully balanced spheres of his world had collided, crashed together and broken.

Exhausted by his most recent transformation, Remus had sat hunched over the kitchen table of Shell Cottage. A half-empty mug of tea sat by his hand, long since forgotten and no longer warm. Various documents were spread out before him, but the words blurred and Remus could make no sense of them. In an unsuccessful bid to alleviate the tension in his muscles, the aches in his joints, Remus shifted in the wooden chair. He stretched his arms, pausing mid-yawn when he noticed the door from the garden slowly opening. Instinctively, Remus grasped his wand. Unaware that she was being observed, Luna slipped into the kitchen and shut the door behind her.

The baggy woollen jumper she was wearing didn't quite disguise that she was too thin; a result of her imprisonment. Her blue eyes appeared too large for her angular face, and Remus was struck by their cool intensity. Luna took a couple of halting steps towards him, a hint of a smile about her mouth.

"You shouldn't be out there alone, Luna; it's not safe." Remus had no idea what it was that she considered important enough to take such an unnecessary risk, but he regretted the harshness of his tone when Luna ceased her progress and took a step backwards, skittish like a unicorn foal.

"Not many places are. It's better to be outside, I think..." Her eyes left his face and focussed on the moonlit garden, visible through the window. Remus relaxed, relieved that he was no longer being watched by her. It was easier to picture Luna out of doors that in captivity.

A silence stretched between them. Remus realised that he was taking in her features, and realised belatedly that he shouldn't be observing the way her hair seemed to absorb the moonlight, although he wasn't certain why. He loved his wife and their baby... but the very thought of them hurt. It was agonising.

More to distract himself – both from his family and from the thoughts about the slender young woman before him – than for any other reason, Remus decided to speak.

"I'm sorry that I startled you."

Luna turned to face him, blinking owlishly.

"I- You were right. It was foolish of me, but I wanted to-" She shook her head slightly. "I wanted to know what freedom felt like, because I thought that I'd forgotten."

Her shoulders curved inwards, as though constricted. Afraid that she would cry, Remus stood and rounded the table. Impulsively, he grasped her arm.

"You _are_ free." Remus didn't believe what he said, knowing exactly what it was that she meant; not a single one of them was free anymore – not really. They were slaves to the greater good. But it was too heavy, too grim an idea for him to allow it to settle on her bird-like shoulders, despite the ageless wisdom behind her eyes.

"Am I?" Their eyes met, and Remus felt a charge in the air between them. It was as strong as it was shocking. He looked down to where his hand rested on her arm, and slowly back up again, almost reluctant to look upon her delicate features.

"Luna..." He breathed her name reverently, willing her to see the apology in his eyes. For a moment Remus thought that she would move away. She didn't. Nor did she move any closer. Instead, Luna remained perfectly still and watched him.

She was younger than his too-young wife, and yet Luna was not too human – she was otherworldly.

Struck by the intimacy of the moment, Remus slid his hand down her arm until their hands met. Her skin was smooth and cool to touch, no doubt the result of her sojourn into the garden. Slowly, so as to give her the option to change her mind, Remus lifted his other hand and caressed her cheek. There was something absolutely right about the feeling of being so close to her. Luna leant into his touch, still watching him. He kissed her gently, and again more fiercely when she responded to his touch.

Consumed by passion, by the sweetness of her skin, Remus allowed everything other than Luna Lovegood to fade from his mind for a few perfect moments. Knotting his fingers in her hair, he kissed and licked the curve of her neck. She was deliciously innocent, and her skin tasted of vanilla. Luna gave a soft sigh of contentment, and he realised that Bill or Fleur, possibly both, could walk in at any moment. Remus pulled away, and was acutely conscious of the ache of being without her in his arms. It eclipsed the gnawing guilt that would forever belong to Tonks – his wife – but only for a second.

"Be free with me again, Luna." He pressed a series of chaste kisses across her face, marvelling over the magnetic quality of her beauty. "Will you?"

"I will." She gave a slight smile, allowing herself to become a fraction less of a mystery and more of a girl.

And so began their brief snatches of bliss, away from the ugliness of reality. There was no war, no wife, and no werewolf – or so she allowed Remus to believe.

**OoOoO**

**Thanks for reading. Please review.**


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